If I were to ask you — what matters most to you — what would your answer be?
Specifically, what are the five to eight things that mean the most in your life and that you cherish? Another way to get at this is to ask yourself: What am I longing for? You’ll know some of them right away. For others, you may need to ponder a bit. The list you develop contains the Values that want to live through you.
Answering this question for yourself and your life is the first step. Next is practicing, which means making decisions based on your list. Why bother? — you might ask. Living according to your list will help you live a life more aligned with who you truly are. Meaning, fulfillment and joy will follow.
For many years (well, decades) I held corporate roles, including time as a CEO. Over those same years I embarked on an inner, spiritual journey to discover the truth of who I am. I was driven by a burning question, “who am I made to be?” I thought I would find the answer in a role — butcher, baker, candlestick maker (or wife, or CEO.) Imagine my surprise when I found (part of) the answer from this what-matters-most question, and then trying (and sometimes failing) to make decisions based on my particular list.
I did this exercise for myself several years ago when I was asked (yet again) to get on a plane for a business trip that I had a strong hunch would be a waste of time. Something felt off and I didn’t quite know what it was. After sitting with the discomfort for a few days, I realized I must be being asked to live apart from my values (not that I knew what they were at that point.) Right then, I went in to our home office and the list flew out of my hand onto the whiteboard. It wasn’t the clean, clear, simple list it became over the next month or so – but everything was there. And I could immediately see why getting on yet-another plane would be wrong for me – it conflicted with everything I most cherish. So I said no (gasp!), then ended up leaving for good several months later.
Here is what my initial hack at my Values looked like:
The process is simple:
- Ask yourself the question: what matters most to me?
- Write down your answers.
- Keep them close by and read them often.
- Consider: is something missing?
- Ask: are two of these really getting at the same thing?
It might take a week or two. Even a month.
The great news is — you cannot do this incorrectly. Live with the list and it will settle down into Your list of What Matters Most.
Here are a few lists (from real people) for inspiration:
- Trust, kind truth, laughter, respect, conversations, passion.
- Authenticity, compassion, honesty, love, family, faith, service.
- Spirit, family, beauty, community, creativity, learning.
- Respect, courage, compassion, confidence, prestige, peace.
- Peace, kindness, simplicity, family, home, healthy living (this is mine.)
What matters most to you?
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